You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ketchup is God's man juice
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
