if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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