I got chris browned last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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