dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
