I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
