I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
