I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
