just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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