i wish my penis had a tongue
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
