even my farts smell like vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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