Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
