Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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