I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
