So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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