Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
