addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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