im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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