I think I died a long time ago.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
