i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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