I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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