Do you still have your period?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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