I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
