By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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