do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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