Got a toothbrush?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Panties = found
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