I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
