You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Say something about gay babies.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
