Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
