I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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