Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
