puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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