turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
