a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
