the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
