no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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