I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
