I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
