i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Houston, we have a blender
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
