somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
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Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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