stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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