sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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