If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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