You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
