You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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