I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
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Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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