Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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