We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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