Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i will never coherently bang her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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