I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
