ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
