ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
