tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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