I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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