You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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