I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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