I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
