He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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