Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
