I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
