i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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