There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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