life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
