You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
