he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
