Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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