I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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